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Chapter 10 – The Journey Begins

Perhaps you’ve also hit the dark night of your own soul at a time or even multiple times in your life. If you’ve ever felt a completely numbed out depression and fear, you’ll totally get the place of suffering that I was at.

That first dose of Heilkunst Medicine did not go down well. I recall, when I got up from the kitchen floor, being profoundly edgy, irritable and irate that something that was supposed to be innocuous had taken me from numb to a profound rage in the first dose. My hands began to shake. Again, I wondered, at the power of such a supposedly inert substance.

I’d been chronically fatigued for years. I suffered anxiety and asthma attacks that came out of nowhere, seemingly thrust into my vacant sign like a breaching whale. On these occasions, emerging like a shot out of nowhere, I’d cough and sputter, eyes wide in terror from my depths.

Every time I had my menstrual period, I was in bed with headaches and a unexplained pain through my trunk and limbs and a heaviness that was impossible to describe. Taking the day off work, lying in bed watching Oprah at 4:00 p.m. was the only bit of pleasure that I seemed to be able to derive from a span of 24 hours. Perhaps you can relate in some way.

I was rudderless, my sail tattered and torn and the navigation system long turned off. I was a victim of my own traumatic past with a timeline peppered with events like, my beloved mother’s suicide, my dad’s sudden death at the age of 43 when I was 17, my uncle’s abuse, my godmother’s alcoholism, my son’s illness and hellish plummet into autism had all taken its toll.

I had to get out of this place …

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