At this place in my Heilkunst treatment, I was really owning the process. Gone were the feelings of victimization and helplessness and increasing was the resonance in my relationships. My life was a testament to a stunning number of polarities.
My marriage had come apart, but I was so stunningly in love now with my soul’s mate. My son had been so profoundly ill, but my daughter was mind-blowingly healthy. My relationship with family was feeling stagnate and old friendships becoming stale while my relationship to my chosen intimates was spawning new life and deliciousness.
I was fully becoming. Yes, is was a painful process, however, I just couldn’t commit to staying in the relationships created out of my former diseased matrix, and I was deeply compelled to move on. Some folks will give up Heilkunst treatment for this very reason. Some individuals just aren’t ready to chose their essential self over their karmic history and traditions.
With the dissolution of my marriage I was also freed from trying to live up to the expectations of Judaism. I realized that always striving to please others was a remnant of my past; a desire to belong where abandonment would be a thing of the past. The thing was, I was still abandoning myself.
Instead of obligations, I began to trust that my life could be filled out of my capacity to stay present to my inner volitions. I lost the taste for secondary drives like shopping, television, and mindless conversation. I naturally began to step up into my primary drives out of love, sex and an intimate desire to fully becoming.
First, it felt like an ember of excitement, then a constant flame of contentment, fun, embraced challenges, ease and afternoons of intimacy with my beloved Jeff. My son was doing really well at Waldorf, my young daughter was loving preschool at the same school as her brother. I was studying Heilkunst and loving every minute of what I was learning. For the first time in my life, I was feeling deeply fulfilled and it was all stemming from within!
I still can’t get over how I plumbed the distance between these polarities and found the path to cure. It’s a bit like having a baby, I know there were challenges, but can you believe how beautiful this new infant of fully becoming is?! I still marvel at this phenomenon today for both myself AND my patients. It blows my mind!
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