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Chapter 22 : Facing The Shadow

We’re coming close to the end of The Path to Cure audiobook. At this juncture, I felt I was starting to own some significant real estate within myself. The light within me was more than a kindled flame, more like a smoldering fire with licks that were beginning to blaze within the belly of the lion. I could see the ribs just as Carl Jung once surmised, “How do you find a lion that has swallowed you?”

The Chthonic Realm of fear, ignorance and terror that had contributed to my PTSD and which also had defined much of Jordan’s plight was being annihilated. Talk about the phoenix rising from the bones of my own historical ashes. I was reeling!

The theme of having tried to mother everyone but my own self, my sister included, became part of the ash. Trying to rescue and fix Jordan to the exclusion of myself also turned to ash. Attempting to address my hobbled marriage, also became the anatomy of the ash. The false ego adding to the cinders at my freshly washed and anointed feet.

This was a tremulous state I found myself in. It was quiet, ruminative, quiescent here with only my health and well-being to care, love and nurture. It was a given that I loved my children beyond all earthly bones and cosmic stars, but this was now an inside-out kind of love. It mysteriously was anchored to Source. Not a mere conjuring from the outside-in. My kids could feel the immensity of it and it also changed them. They too committed wholly to being themselves en route to a fuller self-actualization.

I began to voraciously study Rudolf Steiner. I went through his book, “How To Know Higher Worlds” severals times. I gobbled up Henri Bortoft’s heady piece, “The Wholeness of Nature.” I chewed down on Willhelm Reich’s journals on Beyond Psychology and his biological experiments. It was like I was learning for the first time and I was a voracious reader. I was hungry to know what had changed me, the fundamental principles of Heilkunst Medicine and why I’d been salvaged from my own diseased wreckage.

 

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